Without passion, all the skill in the world won’t lift you above craft.  Without skill, all the passion in the world will leave you eager but floundering.  Combining the two is the essence of creative life.

Twyla Tharp, The Creative Habit

She was an amazing actress and a passionate teacher. I am not entirely sure I envy my friend his time with her, but I am very grateful that her work lives on.

Patrick listened to him and expressed his understanding about not wanting to experience negative emotions (interestingly, while the majority of our class did choose a negative emotional moment, it was not required and my classmate could have legitimately chosen a happy/positive moment to go to).  Patrick talked about the way emotions can overwhelm us and be hard to let go of once we have brought them up and how it feels better and more comfortable not to go there.  He then gently suggested that we should all try the exercises at least once in class.  Class being a place for learning and trying new things.

It was interesting to observe the discussion.  As soon as my classmate said “I know that I can go there for auditions so I didn’t see any reason to go there now” part of me started screaming (in my head):  NO NO NO!!!  YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!  YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE IN CLASS OR YOU WON’T ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO GO THERE IN THE AUDITION.  (Some of my inner voices are pretty dramatic).  A more diplomatic (sane) portion of me suggested I pay attention to how Patrick handled this seeing as me yelling at my classmate wasn’t likely to help anyone.

It was great to watch how Patrick listened to and validated what my classmate was saying before eventually working around to saying that class was a place to try things, test them out to figure out which ones work for you.  I don’t know how my classmate felt after the exchange, but I know that I would have felt fine had I been in his place.  Which increases my sense that this class is a safe place to be trying new things.  To be stretching myself.  A safe place to learn.

I believe that practicing going into your emotions in class is vital to developing a strong craft.  There are many tools and exercises to help actors access their emotions and to let go of them when they are no longer needed.  Everyone has their preferences, what works for them, but the only way to find out if something works is to try it.  And the only way to develop skill with a tool (get good at it) is to practice.  I also know that yelling “YOU’RE WRONG” at people rarely helps them understand your point of view.  I am glad I held my tongue and listened.  I hope my classmates got as much as I did out of all this.

But oh the faces I made.  It was pretty funny.  I am happy to say that I was able to just focus on my scene partner and I didn’t hate the sound of my recorded voice (didn’t love it, but yay for not hating it!  Apparently, I’m doing alright in my vocal development).  It was a good start, but clearly I have plenty of room for improvement.

I went almost first – my scene partner (who was a lot of fun to work with – likes to find the humor in scene) went first, and then me.  It was nice to go first because I didn’t have any time to let nerves build up.  I have noticed that I tend to feel it in my stomach when I’m watching my classmates do their improvs/scenes and waiting to do mine.  It’s not bad, but it was nice to be more relaxed and fully in the moment of watching my classmates work.  For now, I’ll just go with the flow and keep paying attention to what my body does.  I think that with more work the nerves won’t build do much, but it may be that I am better off getting up first when possible.

We had been given a little time to practice the scene with our partner before getting in front of the camera, so by the time I got up there I basically had the scene memorized.  Still, I found that the first time through I really wanted to rely on that script in my hand.  It’s funny how getting in front of the camera/an audience/our teacher changes things.  So let’s get down to it, here are the major feedback points I am working on:

1. Slow down.  Take your time and let the lines affect you.
2. Use the script (if you need to), but take your time.  Look at your partner while they are speaking.  Look at your script for your line, come back up.  Then say your line.
3. Open your mouth!!  (this is big for me.  I’ve gotten this feedback at least once in each class – I think it has to do with an inclination to repress/hold back certain emotions.  The good news is that I am getting better).
4. Internalize.  Internalize.  Internalize!
5. Relax.  Deep breaths.  Relax your body.  Relax your face.  Relax

Also, stop with the funny faces already!  Actually no one said that to me.  But I sure made some funny faces.  So, I laugh and I learn.  One of the nicest moments in class is when Patrick (our teacher) told me that I take direction well!  Awesome compliment!!  I mean, I try to.  But hearing it was a nice validation.

It was great to watch my classmates, interesting to see their choices and their commitments.  One of them really committed to the mother in the hospital given from the script and it was clear that her stakes were really high.  I am going to work on that kind of commitment myself.

And now I’m going to set up my camera and practice!

So, what will I be using my new found printer prowess for?  At the moment, mostly for printing scripts, sides, and breakdowns (which is more or less me saying the same thing with three different words).  Oh, and monologues (that’s different, right? (;).  But why do you care?  I thought I would share where I’m getting my scripts (etc etc).

Monologues

Colin’s movie monologue page.   A good selection of monologues from movies, be sure to check out the links page – I’m working my way through it as I have time.

Sides

The Actor’s Key.  A site that runs casting director workshops.  The sides you’ll find here are for use at their workshops, some of them are for specific CDs.  This is where I got my House scene.

Scripts

Simply Scripts.  Scripts of all sorts, linked from other sites.

Twiz TV.  Television scripts.  They make it easy to download a specific episode or an entire season.

In other news, I had a lovely visit with my cousin this weekend.  I am looking into getting some extra work and thinking a lot about how to make this site more fun and useful.

I am really excited to get this ball rolling as I’ve already encountered a number of excellent tools, techniques and ideas that are worthy of recording.  I also recently read this note taking article by Tim Ferriss.  (You may know of him from his best selling book The Four Hour Work Week.)  It’s a great article and I’m looking forward to employing the indexing technique he outlines.

The hiccup is that I am having trouble settling on a notebook to use.  I have one that I would love to use, but it is no longer available.  I could use the one I have, but once it’s filled I’ll have to use another style of notebook.  It may seem silly, but if I absolutely love the notebook I’m using and then have to replace it with something I am less thrilled with I know that I will be frustrated and sad.  I’m solving this problem by going with another notebook that I know I will be happy to replace with a different style when it’s filled up.

This works well for me in a couple of ways.  I have something of a perfectionist streak and starting with a notebook that is less than perfect gives me permission to play with it, to be less than perfect.  I’m going to be learning in so many ways, pressuring myself to be perfect will get in my way.  And when I am ready to replace it, I won’t stress myself out looking for an exact replica.

In other news, The Big Bang Theory has proven to be a delightful way to practice identifying The Eight Characters of Comedy.  If you have a geeky side or are close to people who are in touch with their inner geek I highly recommend The Big Bang Theory.

I know that I am going to read it again soon.  Right now I am practicing spotting the eight characters and the nuances that make each incarnation different.  I’ll be reporting back with more once I’ve had a bit more practice.  In the meantime, if you are interested in sitcoms at all, I definitely recommend picking up a copy of this book.

Watching American Idol (or pick your favorite talent competition on TV) makes it clear that believing you have talent it not the same thing as having it.  But not every person who is paid step in front of a camera or on a stage is particularly talented.  Since talent is something you’re born with, what do you do about it as an aspiring actor?  I have been thinking about this a lot as the topic of talent comes up over and over again in everything I do related to acting.  I believe I have talent.  And I have come to the conclusion that this belief is good and important.  It is not, however, enough.

I was delighted to find this quote early in my readings:

The thing that leads you here, at this moment, is that you have talent.  Take my word for it.  The thing that makes you say, “I want to do something” — that is the beginning of talent. — Stella Adler

It’s wonderful quote in that it is affirming.  Those of us who are drawn to acting have a talent for it.  Thankfully, it doesn’t stop there.  Stella Adler reminds us that wanting to do something is the beginning of talent.  Meaning that simply wanting to act doesn’t make you good at it.  Wanting is the beginning of talent.  That begs the question, what makes talent bloom?  In a word, dedication.

No matter how talented you are, the only way to see your acting career flourish (long term) is to be dedicated to strengthening your talent.  Building your craft.  The best are not always the most talented, but they are always the most dedicated.  This is true in every arena known to man.  The only way to the top is to be dedicated to becoming the very best you can be.  Be committed to doing everything you can to build on what you have and it will show.  What talent you have will shine and people will notice.

Just yesterday I found this video made of clips of Will Smith talking about talent and dedication:

Clearly his dedication has paid off.  I know that mine will too.  It is impossible to say when, but I know that so long as I continue dedicate myself to this craft every day I will make it.

For the record, the class I am taking is Scott Sedita’s Nuts & Bolts beginner class.  Check out the Scott Sedita Studio.

I was nervous going in.  It’s been so long since I’ve done anything.  And I’ve recently come to question the quality of what little training I had before.  Plus, class full of strangers, teacher I’ve only met once & only briefly, opening up and being vulnerable right out of the gate.  I was excited for the unknown adventure, but also a bit scared that I would shut down or not be able to access my emotions.  Which is probably a silly fear for me.

Thankfully, the class was small and filled with wonderful talented dedicated people.  Patrick, our teacher, is very supportive and good at coaching in the moment.  I found it easy to relax into the warm up exercises and let my emotions come up.  Up and through me.  Best of all, I was having fun.

This is what I came for.  Acting!  And once class started I found myself just slipping into the rhythms of the class.  I did find myself getting nervous all over again towards the end of class.  We were doing dramatic improv in pairs.  Once I started thinking about it I felt myself get nervous all over again.  And my partner and I ended up going last.  Which given that there were only six of us and thus only three pairs, didn’t take that long, but it did let me get all kinds of knots tied up inside.  But on stage, I dropped into the situation we had developed and found the emotions.  The class dropped away and my scene partner and I went for quite the emotional ride.

After each scene Patrick discussed what happened with the performers.  It was really fun to watch and learn from my classmates and try to apply the lessons in my own acting.  It was inspiring to be part of a class where everyone was so open and willing.  I also had a big takeaway: I need to work on getting really strong with my wants and intentions.  Not just having them, but making strong active choices in pursuing them.  I found the emotional core of our scene, but I did not move it forward in ways that I could have.  Thinking back on it, there were multiple opportunities for me to move the scene with my want.

I have my focus for the next week, want.  Right now I WANT to be back in class already.  Since there is a week before that happens, I’ll be doing other acting activities, reading, scene breakdowns, exercising my want in other ways.