On Sunday I took my first pole dancing class.  For fun and fitness (& definitely not for meretricious reasons), if you must know.  And I have discovered muscles in my arms that I previously would have denied the existence of.  They are not strong muscles at this point in time, but they do exist.  Something they felt the need to remind me of for the couple of days.  No more denials for them.  It was fun and there was a short down pour while I was on my way there.  Rain and pole dancing!   Then it was home for cleaning and plotting before heading off to rehearse.

Rehearsal!!!  Sunday was a very important day in class because it was the first day of performing our scenes.  So I went over to my partner’s house and we got right to it.  Going in we knew that we would be doing the scene sitting down and that our teacher would be encouraging us to run our lines quickly.  This is so that we don’t slow down, draw out words and pause, dramatically, to act out our point.  Knowing this we rehearsed this way.  And the exciting discovery for me was that when we pushed ourselves to go quickly with the lines the emotions just came.  It was pretty nifty.  I also remembered that we needed to be clear on what our character’s relationship to each other is.  So we both got clear on that.  By the time we had to leave we had a solid connection to our relationship, our emotions in the scene, and our lines down pat.

Thankfully the freeways were kind to us, but we ended up parked very far from the studio so, we were almost late despite the power walking (and I was in heels!).  We had some else sign us up on the board, but we still ended up being the second to last to go.  Which was actually kind of hard.  I don’t normally mind going late in class, but we were both itching to get up.  I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we both really enjoy our scene and we wanted to get up and perform it.  It was interesting to watch the other scenes though.  These scenes have all been picked for their dramatic content, so of course there was quite the gamut of emotions being run.  It was fun to see how my classmates had been cast and to watch them get coached in these roles.

I took a lot of notes about how the scenes have been broken down.  Each scene has an official breakdown at the studio.  This way the teachers have a sheet with the official break down for each scene that they then coach the students off of.  Feeding us the bits of the breakdown that we have earned and helping us to hit the targets for the scene.  I’m going to comb through all the bits and pieces I wrote down and put together a cheat sheet for doing breakdowns the way these scenes have been broken down.  Although, at this time my cheat sheet will be incomplete because we haven’t earned all the info on the sheets yet.  Yay for works in progress!

Speaking of… so, we finally got up and performed our scene!  And it was awesome.  I believe we turned in the best performance of the night.  We really connected to our emotions and each other.  Charley (our teacher) only gave us one major note and that was to deepen our emotional connection.  He did help me with clarifying what my opinion is about one particular thing mentioned in the script and exactly how to dress for the scene.  I had toyed with going more strongly in the direction he nudged me in, but hadn’t quite gone that far.  Did I mention how much fun this was?  Cause, it’s really fun!

I guess that wraps up Sunday (I mean, hiked most of the way back to my car -still in heels- but thankfully got a ride for part of the way, and drove home etc etc, but you can fill that stuff in for yourself).  Monday started off with me getting up early because I wasn’t sure when Tim Brownson would be calling me for coaching call.  It turned out he was calling me at the later time, which is pretty much what I had expected.  But I sure as hell was not going to sleep through our call.  So, I got up early and did chores and otherwise made a productive stab at starting my day.  Which meant that I was rolling along pretty well by the time I got on Skype with Tim.  We checked in and I bragged about how well my partner and I had done.   And we went over how well I had done on the two weeks fitness training thing I did.  And then I had to fess up about how I haven’t been exercising so much since it wrapped.  (Good news, I found another fitness product in need of testimonials, so I have another month of trainer/bootcamp starting next week!!).

After confessing about how I lack commitment to exercise when it’s just me by myself, we talked about what exercise really means to me and how to use anchors to motivate myself.  I then committed to workout four times a week (oh thank goodness for that boot camp coming!  and my pole dancing classes!!).  So, I’ve started off a little slow on this, but I have done small workouts on Monday & Tuesday.  Maybe I’ll count them as one workout.  It’s a good start, I’ll have to expand on it though.

Then we talked money and the business of earning it.  We hashed out some good ideas for me to play with and he pointed out a few things that were good for me to hear.  And I made a commitment to putting together a couple of websites in two weeks (as in I have to get them done in that time).  It’s all part of a bigger plan that I will reveal more of soon (I’m still working out the details).  Anyway, it was fun and as always really helpful to chat with Tim.  I’m so grateful to have him coaching me!

Oh goodness, I’ve barely started on Monday and it’s 11:56pm already.  It’s going to be Thursday before I even finish this…  (would you believe I got called verbose today?)  And now my friends are interrupting me with one of the strange and disturbing things that can only be found on the internet.  Which means I need to make a decision… see, I have an early morning and lots to do tomorrow.  And sleep would be a good thing.  A very good thing.  Right.  Well then, consider this a teaser.  More to come soon.  And then even more after that.  Night!

This is okay.  In fact, it’s a good thing.  Tearing down those walls (blocks, obstacles, or whatever you choose to call them) is all part of the creative growth process.  So I say bring it on!  Give me my next wall, or at least some challenge to help me grow.  I think that’s what the scenes are for…

We were originally told we would be doing the scenes for the first time on Tuesday, but last night they told us it would actually be Sunday.  As in tomorrow.  I am so glad that I find memorization easy.

But getting back to last night in class…  I got to work twice because one the attached students (it’s this thing where they are taking the class, but they’re special cause they can’t always be there so they have to either work before class or after class – among other things) asked me to be her partner for the night.  The person she normally works with was not available.  I ended up playing both sides of the activity last night, which was nice because it was the last night for that exercise and with Sharon, who only sees us once a week.  I was strong both times out and was particularly pleased with my emotional journey durning my second time up.  The key will be to bring that level of emotional connection to the scene work we are going to be doing for the next six classes.  I’ll keep you posted.

Brief round up of things in motion.  April was dominated by heavy emotional blah.  But there were a number of highlights – E’s epic birthday for one.  I also (as previously mentioned) earned free life coaching from the awesome Tim Brownson.   And at the end of the month I started a six week intensive at the Joanne Baron/D.W. Brown studio in Santa Monica.  I also was selected for a fitness bootcamp/infomercial thing.  Which meant spending two weeks eating really healthy and spending an hour in a group training session with a personal trainer M-F for two weeks.  I rocked that and am working to integrate what I learned from it into my life.  It was a great start to healthier, fitter me.

And oh my six week intensive!  Wow.  We meet three nights a week for a “three” hour class.  I don’t think I’ve spent less than four hours in class.  Tomorrow will mark the end of week four.  And I am delighted with how much progress I’ve made.  The last few classes I’ve managed to connect very well with the emotional side of things.  And I’ve been coming up with creative circumstances and set dressings.  Which is both fun and helpful.  This all has me excited and feeling very positive about the evaluation we’ll be doing come next Tuesday.

The evaluation is where they either invite me back to continue the training or not.  We just found out a bit more about this process on Tues.  It sounds pretty straight forward, both of our teachers do a little write up about us and gives it to the office staff.  One of the staff sits down with us, reads what has been written about us and we go from there.  The significance of being invited back rests in the studio’s strict Meisner program.  While modified to meet California’s regulations, the program is carefully crafted to replicate Meisner’s two year teaching program.  This first six weeks is designed to give actors a solid foundation they can take out and use in the business.  It is also roughly the equivalent of about a third of Meisner’s first year program.  If you get asked back, the remainder of the first year is covered in another six months.  Class meets only twice a week, rather than the three times a week we’ve been doing for the intensive, but not much else changes – we just go deeper.

After that there is the second year.  Don’t know much about it yet.  My understanding is that it takes about nine months.  And I will cross that bridge when I get to it.  Meanwhile, I have a scene to nail.  Further improvements to my exercise habits to incorporate and a couple of coaching sessions to write up (and a couple more to put to good use!)

Seriously.  Check it out here: And The Winner Is…

That’s right I did not fall for Tim Brownson’s shenanigans!  And as a result I am going to get coached.  Can’t wait.  I’ll be keeping everyone posted on how it goes.  So expect to be hearing more about this soon.

A lot has changed since then.  I have made a number of choices and changes in my life.  I haven’t done everything I’ve set out to do, but I have managed to change the course of my life considerably.  And I know that I could use someone helping me challenge myself.  So, I started this post to help make sure I sent that email.  The email is long sent now, but this post has been languishing while I’ve seen to other responsibilities.  So I thought I would challenge myself to wrap it up before the end of the day.  And now I have.

It was neat to get to sit around and chat with other extras, as well as anyone else who wasn’t busy at the moment.  It was dangerous to have all that junk food laying around on the craft services table.  So easy to eat all day.  By the end of day three I was tired because I was juggling other activities and the days were long and often early.  Still, I had fun and can’t wait to do it again.  More, more, more!  I don’t care how much hurry up and wait is involved.  I am also officially lusting after an iPad as my preferred accessory for entertaining myself while waiting and documenting as much of the experience as I can.

I did tweet a bit from the sets.  I will definitely be doing more of that in the future.  And I took some photos on one of the sets.  I want to do more of that as well.  I definitely recommend doing some extra work to get a feel for what it’s like to be on set if you have the opportunity.

Tonight I am off to a talk/presentation being given at SAG by Robert & Michelle Colt, and Susan Watkins, along with another guest I have conveniently forgotten and am too lazy to go look up right now.  I expect it will be quite fun.  And tomorrow I am going to get up bright and early to go to Central Casting to get myself on their roles for extra work.  I want to become SAG eligible ASAP so that the AFI student director who liked me can hire me as a lead, and not just for extra work.  And come Friday, I will finally be back in class!  After all the craziness of the past month, it’s definitely time to be back in acting class.

It’s been just under two weeks since my dad had a massive heart attack and died.  It was sudden, unexpected, and extremely fast.  And by some wondrous blessing I had dinner with him and my two siblings the night before.  A fact made particularly noteworthy due to the nearly 600 miles between the place I  currently call home and the area the rest of my immediate family lives.

While this is a terrible event and has brought great sorrow into my life, it is a testament to what a great man my father was that I find myself focusing on just how blessed I was to have him in my life for so long.  Each story that gets shared reminds me of how special he was and shows me just how much the other people who knew my dad appreciated him.  It’s hard to ask for more.  Even the twenty plus more years I wanted -expected.

For over a week after his death, I stayed with my family, my mom, my brother, and my sister.  We grieved together and created rituals of goodbye that were appropriate to my dad.  This coming weekend we will celebrate his life.  And again this summer.  There are so many people who knew and loved my dad around the world.  We want them all to have a chance to celebrate his life with us.  But in the mean time, my life goes on.

And my life includes this blog.    Durning the time I was at my parents’ house I realized I had to simply let go of posting for a bit.  The internet connection was slow and cranky.  I was grieving and I was not prepared for this (see the post just before this one).  But I have returned home and once again the internet will play nice with my computer.  It’s time to get back to doing the things I love.  Studying acting, sharing my adventures and what I’m learning from them.  Developing rituals in my daily life to support me on my journey.  Connecting with people.

I am easing back into my daily life and that may mean a couple more missed posts before I’m back to my schedule.  That’s just part of the journey.  I have a lot to think about.  A lot to process.  I am so grateful to have had my dad in my life.  While he didn’t teach me about acting specifically there are many things I learned from him that apply.  And I will share them with you.

I created this blog to be a tool for myself and others who are looking to pursue a similar path.  I set a posting schedule because I knew that it would help me to be consistent in showing up here.  And I take it seriously, which is why I am writing this post even though it will be an hour or so “late”.  This is okay for a few reasons.

1. I am writing this post now.  Which is to say I am showing up for this blog and my commitment to it.  It is late, which I try to avoid in life, but sometimes late happens.  Better to show up and demonstrate your commitment late than not at all.  Showing up late won’t save your ass if you’re always late (and/or flaky), but if you show up and own it and don’t let it happen again, showing up is the right thing to do by far.
2. This is an effective reminder of the importance of taking certain steps.  Such as creating a back log of posts that can be used in situations like this.  Or just sitting down and pushing myself to get a blog post done a day or two early.
3. My posting schedule is arbitrary.  No one is truly hurt if I don’t post.  Which is a really good thing because I’m doing this to grow and learn and have fun.  If I can do those things and share them with my readers it really doesn’t matter what the schedule is.  The schedule is really only a tool for helping me get better at certain things.  Like the discipline of sitting down to write for my blog on a consistent basis.

But what does all of this have to do with acting?  Good question.  What I want you to see is how tired I am…. Okay, maybe not (even if it’s true).  The point is that in order to succeed you have to show up, consistently.  You have to have discipline and learn from your mistakes.  You have to find tools that support you in pursuing your goals.  And most importantly you have to be kind to yourself because you will make mistakes and things will get in the way.  And that’s okay, you roll with it.  And write only half way coherent posts at the end of a long day if that’s what it takes.  These things are true in life and they are true in acting.  Give yourself the kindness you need to grow.

Without passion, all the skill in the world won’t lift you above craft.  Without skill, all the passion in the world will leave you eager but floundering.  Combining the two is the essence of creative life.

Twyla Tharp, The Creative Habit