The Unexpected in Life
It’s Tuesday morning. I can tell by the leaf blower making the rounds in our courtyard. It’s a weekly ritual that keeps this apartment complex clean. They came early today, maybe to encourage me to get moving. I have a lot to do and a real need to start easing back into my “real” life. I should say my daily life. This easing back is necessitated by recent personal tragedy.
It’s been just under two weeks since my dad had a massive heart attack and died. It was sudden, unexpected, and extremely fast. And by some wondrous blessing I had dinner with him and my two siblings the night before. A fact made particularly noteworthy due to the nearly 600 miles between the place I currently call home and the area the rest of my immediate family lives.
While this is a terrible event and has brought great sorrow into my life, it is a testament to what a great man my father was that I find myself focusing on just how blessed I was to have him in my life for so long. Each story that gets shared reminds me of how special he was and shows me just how much the other people who knew my dad appreciated him. It’s hard to ask for more. Even the twenty plus more years I wanted -expected.
For over a week after his death, I stayed with my family, my mom, my brother, and my sister. We grieved together and created rituals of goodbye that were appropriate to my dad. This coming weekend we will celebrate his life. And again this summer. There are so many people who knew and loved my dad around the world. We want them all to have a chance to celebrate his life with us. But in the mean time, my life goes on.
And my life includes this blog. Durning the time I was at my parents’ house I realized I had to simply let go of posting for a bit. The internet connection was slow and cranky. I was grieving and I was not prepared for this (see the post just before this one). But I have returned home and once again the internet will play nice with my computer. It’s time to get back to doing the things I love. Studying acting, sharing my adventures and what I’m learning from them. Developing rituals in my daily life to support me on my journey. Connecting with people.
I am easing back into my daily life and that may mean a couple more missed posts before I’m back to my schedule. That’s just part of the journey. I have a lot to think about. A lot to process. I am so grateful to have had my dad in my life. While he didn’t teach me about acting specifically there are many things I learned from him that apply. And I will share them with you.
Posting Late
Today I did not have the time or the focus to write an appropriate post for this blog. I’ve been a bit distracted this whole week, but today is the first day I just didn’t make it happen (today being yesterday now – Thursday is technically over as I am typing this). The perfectionist in me wants to bitch, moan, and criticize me for this “failure”. After all, I knew that today was going to be full of other things. I could have prepared. But I don’t think giving those negative thoughts free rein will be particularly useful.
I created this blog to be a tool for myself and others who are looking to pursue a similar path. I set a posting schedule because I knew that it would help me to be consistent in showing up here. And I take it seriously, which is why I am writing this post even though it will be an hour or so “late”. This is okay for a few reasons.
- I am writing this post now. Which is to say I am showing up for this blog and my commitment to it. It is late, which I try to avoid in life, but sometimes late happens. Better to show up and demonstrate your commitment late than not at all. Showing up late won’t save your ass if you’re always late (and/or flaky), but if you show up and own it and don’t let it happen again, showing up is the right thing to do by far.
- This is an effective reminder of the importance of taking certain steps. Such as creating a back log of posts that can be used in situations like this. Or just sitting down and pushing myself to get a blog post done a day or two early.
- My posting schedule is arbitrary. No one is truly hurt if I don’t post. Which is a really good thing because I’m doing this to grow and learn and have fun. If I can do those things and share them with my readers it really doesn’t matter what the schedule is. The schedule is really only a tool for helping me get better at certain things. Like the discipline of sitting down to write for my blog on a consistent basis.
But what does all of this have to do with acting? Good question. What I want you to see is how tired I am…. Okay, maybe not (even if it’s true). The point is that in order to succeed you have to show up, consistently. You have to have discipline and learn from your mistakes. You have to find tools that support you in pursuing your goals. And most importantly you have to be kind to yourself because you will make mistakes and things will get in the way. And that’s okay, you roll with it. And write only half way coherent posts at the end of a long day if that’s what it takes. These things are true in life and they are true in acting. Give yourself the kindness you need to grow.
The Essence of Creative Life
Without passion, all the skill in the world won’t lift you above craft. Without skill, all the passion in the world will leave you eager but floundering. Combining the two is the essence of creative life.
Twyla Tharp, The Creative Habit
Stella Adler
I have a friend who actually studied with Stella Adler. Listening to his stories got me to check out her book and look for videos on YouTube. I found the book quite helpful and fun to read. Watching the videos is quite an experience. If you haven’t looked into her work here are a couple of videos to introduce you to her:
She was an amazing actress and a passionate teacher. I am not entirely sure I envy my friend his time with her, but I am very grateful that her work lives on.
B. Newhart, Psychologist
I was introduced to this video at a workshop called “Acting Success Now”. The workshop is a wonderful three day event that is filled with tools and techniques for getting out of you head and out of your own way. Many ways to help you achieve the very to the point advice Bob gives his client in this video.
“Going There” in Class?
The other day in class an interesting question came up, one of my classmates didn’t really allow himself to experience the emotion durning a sense memory exercise. It showed in that there wasn’t anything there for his partner to read. In the discussion afterwards he told us that he didn’t go into his feelings because he knows that he can “go there” for auditions but didn’t want to experience the pain during class.
Patrick listened to him and expressed his understanding about not wanting to experience negative emotions (interestingly, while the majority of our class did choose a negative emotional moment, it was not required and my classmate could have legitimately chosen a happy/positive moment to go to). Patrick talked about the way emotions can overwhelm us and be hard to let go of once we have brought them up and how it feels better and more comfortable not to go there. He then gently suggested that we should all try the exercises at least once in class. Class being a place for learning and trying new things.
It was interesting to observe the discussion. As soon as my classmate said “I know that I can go there for auditions so I didn’t see any reason to go there now” part of me started screaming (in my head): NO NO NO!!! YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG! YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE IN CLASS OR YOU WON’T ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO GO THERE IN THE AUDITION. (Some of my inner voices are pretty dramatic). A more diplomatic (sane) portion of me suggested I pay attention to how Patrick handled this seeing as me yelling at my classmate wasn’t likely to help anyone.
It was great to watch how Patrick listened to and validated what my classmate was saying before eventually working around to saying that class was a place to try things, test them out to figure out which ones work for you. I don’t know how my classmate felt after the exchange, but I know that I would have felt fine had I been in his place. Which increases my sense that this class is a safe place to be trying new things. To be stretching myself. A safe place to learn.
I believe that practicing going into your emotions in class is vital to developing a strong craft. There are many tools and exercises to help actors access their emotions and to let go of them when they are no longer needed. Everyone has their preferences, what works for them, but the only way to find out if something works is to try it. And the only way to develop skill with a tool (get good at it) is to practice. I also know that yelling “YOU’RE WRONG” at people rarely helps them understand your point of view. I am glad I held my tongue and listened. I hope my classmates got as much as I did out of all this.
A Day in the Life of a PA
This post is a post to tell you that I am not going to post today. I was asked to fill in as a PA for a film shoot today (a student film, nothing fancy, but definitely learning/informative). I got everything together for it, except I forgot to get a post prepped for today. I don’t have anything that is ready to post. This is currently a flaw in my posting strategy. I will be working on it. Meanwhile I am up at a very early hour preparing for a very full day. I expect that today will yield some interesting tale to share. Until then!
On Tuesday night I attended a free Q&A session with Casting Director Deborah Barylski sponsored by The New York Film Academy. It was a lovely session and very informative. Many excellent questions, here are the highlights.
Q. Is a background in theater important?
A. Short answer: no. Longer answer: Theater is not necessary, but you have to have/study craft. Studying film and theater can only help.
Q. Do you ever hire non-union actors?
A. No. You have to be in the union to work on a union project. Yes, there is the TAFT-HARTLEY option, but it is expensive (for the producers) and they will only use it as a last resort. Options:
- Become SAG eligible via extra work – you receive vouchers for your extra work. I believe you only get a voucher if you are a featured extra (you have a speaking line) and you have to have three of them to be SAG eligible (I will double check this).
- Get in to AFTRA. This can be done by laying out the cash (currently $1600) or getting a job on an AFTRA shoot and letting them take the fees out of your paycheck (I hear they can spread this over three paychecks). Once you’re in AFTRA they can TAFT-HARTLEY you without having to pay any fines.
- Book a SAG commercial because it’s much easier to use the TAFT-HARTLEY option for commercials.
- Be 17 or younger. The first hire of minor does not incur fines.
- Have an unusual and very specific (hard to find) combination of qualities & skills. Find a production that is looking for exactly that combination.
Q. What bad habits do you see in actors at auditions?
A. She started with some don’ts, and then gave some excellent tips:
- Don’t apologize for anything!
- Don’t do anything you have to apologize for.
- Prepare (prepare, prepare)
- Make choices!
- Always prepare at least two ways to do the scene you are given.
- Do your homework. Know who you are going to be meeting and know what they’ve done.
- Leave the audition room once you are done (they can’t talk about you until you are out of the room) but don’t leave the waiting room until they call in the next person (they may decide upon discussion that they want to see something else from you).
And for any foreign nationals reading this:
Q. Do you hire foreign nationals without a work visa.
A. Short: No. Longer: The paperwork takes time and frequently productions don’t have that kind of time. She told a story about a hire she did of a Canadian that they barely got the paperwork through in time for. So, if you’re a foreign national get that paperwork going. Not having it will hurt you.
The Creative Habit
I am reading (wrote “radding” – some typos need to be shared) The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp. An excellent read with lots of good exercises I am playing with. She talks about ritual as the foundation of a creative life. I’ve been thinking about this concept a lot, it’s one I am bringing into my daily life. I will be speaking more to this topic soon. Right now I would like to leave you with Twyla Tharp’s words:
After so many years, I’ve learned that being creative is a full-time job with it’s own daily patterns. That’s why writers, for example, like to establish routines for themselves. The most productive ones get started early in the morning, when the world is quiet, the phones aren’t ringing, and their minds are rested, alert, and not yet polluted by other people’s words. They might set a goal for themselves – write fifteen hundred words, or stay at their desk until noon-but the real secret is that they do this every day. In other words, they are disciplined. Over time, as the daily routines become second nature, discipline morphs into habit.
Acting Class Update – On Camera
Yesterday was my third day of acting class (would have been the fourth but there was this thing my teacher did relating to the Golden Globes…) and it was the first day we did on camera work. Still loving class and really glad to be on camera…
But oh the faces I made. It was pretty funny. I am happy to say that I was able to just focus on my scene partner and I didn’t hate the sound of my recorded voice (didn’t love it, but yay for not hating it! Apparently, I’m doing alright in my vocal development). It was a good start, but clearly I have plenty of room for improvement.
I went almost first – my scene partner (who was a lot of fun to work with – likes to find the humor in scene) went first, and then me. It was nice to go first because I didn’t have any time to let nerves build up. I have noticed that I tend to feel it in my stomach when I’m watching my classmates do their improvs/scenes and waiting to do mine. It’s not bad, but it was nice to be more relaxed and fully in the moment of watching my classmates work. For now, I’ll just go with the flow and keep paying attention to what my body does. I think that with more work the nerves won’t build do much, but it may be that I am better off getting up first when possible.
We had been given a little time to practice the scene with our partner before getting in front of the camera, so by the time I got up there I basically had the scene memorized. Still, I found that the first time through I really wanted to rely on that script in my hand. It’s funny how getting in front of the camera/an audience/our teacher changes things. So let’s get down to it, here are the major feedback points I am working on:
- Slow down. Take your time and let the lines affect you.
- Use the script (if you need to), but take your time. Look at your partner while they are speaking. Look at your script for your line, come back up. Then say your line.
- Open your mouth!! (this is big for me. I’ve gotten this feedback at least once in each class – I think it has to do with an inclination to repress/hold back certain emotions. The good news is that I am getting better).
- Internalize. Internalize. Internalize!
- Relax. Deep breaths. Relax your body. Relax your face. Relax
Also, stop with the funny faces already! Actually no one said that to me. But I sure made some funny faces. So, I laugh and I learn. One of the nicest moments in class is when Patrick (our teacher) told me that I take direction well! Awesome compliment!! I mean, I try to. But hearing it was a nice validation.
It was great to watch my classmates, interesting to see their choices and their commitments. One of them really committed to the mother in the hospital given from the script and it was clear that her stakes were really high. I am going to work on that kind of commitment myself.
And now I’m going to set up my camera and practice!
